To make a new comercial, Clearasil?
I just saw an old ass commercial that they used to play during Channel One

in 1993 on the "new" CW. You know, the one with Danny Masterson that's animated and he talks about being nervous about going to a prep school and having to wear a hogwart's tie? Does this man look like he's going to prep school anytime soon?

NO CAUSE HE HASN'T BEEN A TEENAGER SINCE 1996!

I don't know what the good people of Clearasil are doing with their scantily effective acne cream fortune, but could they make a new commercial that I didn't memorize in during the Clinton administration? Clearasil, I will trade you my "Bill and Al's Excellent Adventure" paper dolls for a new commerical. Just call up some chick who won top model a few years ago, those chicks aint busy!


This is too soon for some retro throwback '90s shit, Lisa Ling is still in!

PS does anyone know any school children who have to watch it? I still can't remember how the schools benefit from broadcasting it. They gave our middle school some free TVs but they were so shitty my conspiracy theorist english teacher had to bring in a special TV for us to watch the OJ verdict on.

PPS Sally Field, get your bitch ass off my TV. I was gonna be Norma Rae for Halloween, but no way if you're going to be popping up on some Calista Flockheart shit and ER on the same week. Not even that fat guy who used to say "hasta la vista baby" to his twinkies on Parker Lewis Can't lose is on that show anymore. ER is where people from other NBC shows come to die and where they test drive Croatian sex symbols.

Oh man, I watch too much TV.

Dude, has anyone seen that Outback Steakhouse commercial with Of Montreal re-doing "Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games" with new Outback Steakhouse lyrics!

What the fuck. They should have popped out of an onion blossom.
"Let's pretend we're at Outback Steakhouse!"

Finally, my two greatest loves together at last! Australian-themed steak dining and soothing vocals! Thanks, Of Montreal.




And don't forget, carry out service now available!

You have to fight a kangaroo to get it. *





*Kangaroos not guaranteed in PA, MD,AK, HI, OR the US Virgin Islands. Wallabies may be used as substitute marsupial.

At my boring job we sell beanie babies.
Apparently not to the Harry Dean Staton lookalike who just walked by.
But, to mentally handicapted concert security workers that look like Trudy Wiegel we sell beanies. And since I've got so little to do aroung here I've decided to get to know my beanies and memorize all their names. If nothing else, I will leave this job with the ability to identify beanies that will make memebers of the audubon society blush. I already know the following:

Puppers
Chomp
Whiffer
Sugar
Destiny
Pinky Poo
Anchor
uhhh, Chenise?
Debbie?
Sampson?
Critters?
Boone! yeah! that one dog, Boone.
Avalon? Yeah, I think that's a unicorn.
Ming Na? That's either a pink huskie or the Asian lady from E.R.

Okay, I'm gonna go work this out.
I think "Skipper" might be the whale in the sailor hat. I'm gonna get this down!