1. ARE YOU SHY?
Only when trying to get some lovin'
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
A fighting lover, who fights when it's over because you have nothing left to lose when you already lost all the love you were never going to get anyways.
Let's just say I'm a physco drunk dialer. Think, Cameron Diaz in "Vanilla Sky"
"...YOUR BODY MAKES A PROMISE"
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
NEVER GETTING OUT OF DEBT!
and dying alone, but that's more irrational. Don't tell my student loan officer you know where to find me, I"ll cut you.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIC?
Man, I feel so cheated I didn't get that Robin Hood Prince of Thieves set up. I still want to conquer Lego Yoda
and Lego Hogwarts
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REALITY TV?
I get into Project Runway because of it's brillance and my weird never-to-be-consumated crush on Tim Gunn, and Top Model when it's at its most scandalous. Can you believe that Tocara was on Girlfriends and I didn't tape it?
Oh, PS Danny from the Real World New Orleans so signed my boob!
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
Yes. I didn't realize it until a waiter took my sisters' and my drinks for a refill and asked, "ok, who had the diet coke with the chewed straw", and I was like, "fuck, that's me!!!!!!!!!"
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Dude, I was the cutest baby of my whole family. Extended blonde-ass and mexi cousins included. I should have been in baby pagents. I'm tempted to carry a baby picture of myself in my wallet and tell people it's my baby just so I can get laid by guys thinking, "oh well, at least I might land custody of one of her hot ass babies"
8. WHAT SCENT DO YOU WEAR?
It's a very rare custom blend, "women: degree Fresh Oxygen", Murray's (if I'm rockin' the disevled bed head at comeback or some other event where I know that gays are judging the staying power of my hair), and Cutter's Skinsations Insect Repellent with Aloe and Vitamin E in Clean Fresh Scent.
Oh, and I wear non-scented Vagisil when the HEAT gets to me.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
black and silver. I won it in a raffle at an employment fair. Oh, I mean "career slam" with FREE CHESEBURGERS!! This one chick put like, 10 in her purse, and I'm not KIDDING! Plus I won a raffle for 5 bucks of Dick's gift certificates. What's up with hooking the unemployed up with cheeseburgers?
God, it's bad enough they don't have jobs, don't make them fat. That's a suicide attempt in the making!!
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
What else are you supposed to do in there? Jerk off? Puh leeeeeese! I fell out of love with the shower head in high school.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Have I ever been drunk in Mexico? No. Have I been on Road Rules? I wish! Remember when they made that awesome video for the Third Eye Blind Video Jumper?
(I looked for this PSA on Youtube, it's not there, we need to fix this guys)
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
I can touch my tongue to my nose, fold it in half, flip it upside down & make other weird shapes w/ it!
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION?
Going back to Spain and getting deported for climbing the wall around Almodovar's house, or just eating at the awesome Hard Rock Cafe in Barcelona and getting a T SHIRT!!!!!
That, or just reinacting my top 5 episodes of Europe Through the Back Door.
(i hope you all know I was talking about my fellow Edmonds Alumni Rick Steves and not some bath house vacay, ya'all know they don't let the ladies in)
14. BAD HABITS?
Procrastinator. Wait, I mean something that rhymes with that, chronic masturbator.
To be perfectly honest I'm really kind of a star fucker.
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
Are you planning on drowning me? Why? You know, if you help me kill my sister Liz (who's highly allergic to bees, wink wink) we can split the 17,000 I stand to inherit if something should happen to her.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
Have you seen Bubble Boy? Now that's a film. Why does DD get a directors cut but no one cares about the director of BB's original vision? Hollywood, you are one fucked up bitch.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DANG ABOUT THE OZONE?
Does Al Gore have gray pubes?
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP?
If you actually let that cartoon owl in the '80s get under your skin so much you actually tried to figure this out I weep for you. One single, salty tear that would drown Ralph, the motorcylce riding mouse.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I don't drive, so there's no reason to. But my ventrioquist dummy "Stickie Vickie" sings it when I take my water break. That girl steals the show!!!
Call us for your birthday party!!! KL5-BBSC
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
No, my mom, dad, older sister, and I decided that mom and dad should have another baby so that in the event that anything happened to us we would have someone's organs to harvest. Smart, huh?
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
electric, because if you put the other end of the pencil in a place where the sun don't shine, GIRL, YOU GOT YOURSELF A RIDE!!
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
I have at least 90 nutria tails in my closet. If I drive those down to Louisiana I stand to make 15 bones a tail!!! That's almost enough to pay for 2/3 of my expedia.com ticket. Think about it. You should fly expedia.com. Not that anyone from expedia.com is telling me to say this. Just, you would be a damn fool and a racist if you didn't get your summer travel tickets on expedia.com. But hey, if you hate koreans and blacks, you go ahead and use priceline. Faggot.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
If that guy on craig's list looking for a buxom American bride ever emails me back. Or if I can find my babydaddy.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I like my left handwriting because when I write the address on my rent check with it they never charge me the N.S.F. fee cause they piddy me on count of my tardation.
Suckers!!!!!!!!!!
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
If you want to watch me shit and puke all the colors of the rainbow, feed me shrimp. Also, I'm allergic to thoughts of mother earth.
HAH HA! I mean I'm a recovering placebo fan!!
(never goth, I swear!)
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
To my dog? No wait, to Steve Pool when I was making him valentines out of my pubes. I mean washable markers. Okay, pubes, I'm sick. What can I say? I lust for his midsized retro flat-top.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
More importantly, is David Ducuvony?
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
i have weeped, but the mariachis turned my tears into lagrimas of joy!!
30.how do you like your eggs?
deviled, with bacon. Thought, the egg really slows you down from enjoying the bacon. Man, Vegans and Jews are losers!
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Hello, Veronica Mars?
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
On Flea or Anthony Kiedas's penis.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
5? 6? Does anyone really know what time it is? Doesn anybody really care? Does anyone know the Chicago song I'm referencing?
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Cockslut, lockjaw, polygrip, itchycoo, Dad
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
Are you jealous because your parents wouldn't build you a ball pit?
For the record, I cry at the end of "About a Boy" when Toni Collette offers to take her vegetarian son for a Big Mac. I mean, you want to know what love is? That's it, right fucking there!
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
when my dad dropped me off on the corner and told me to hook my way home. What a dumb ass, I was like, 20 feet from my front door. Instead, I just wnet in and read some Erica Jong on the crapper.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
I'm usually up for any kind of moisture.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Well someone gave me that Brazilian Wax I wished for this X-mas
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Man, I had the biggest crush on Gary from that show.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Cocaine, hot pockets, and spraying my house with Oust.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
ha ha you just said, "nut butter"
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Only one time when I was adjusting it to better fit my noose.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANce??
I drove one once after having too much ambien.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
twice? thrice? it's been a long day
46. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
A mu mu I think they woudl let me wear to work if I worked at Hot Dog on a Stick or Muscle Beach. It had a handy pocket.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Ask my last date rapist.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Diarhea Brown. I hear the eyes are the window to the soul. want to fuck?
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Except for the embarassing poverty and crippling depression, what's not to like?
51. WHO'S BETTER?
Affleck or Damon? Damn, it's so hard to choose. I mean, they both have really boring white offspring and wives. I think maybe Affleck because I think I have better odds of him kissing my brown eye. If you catch my wiff.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
That will cost you 99 cents a minute. Let me just add on to that I so predicted the Lashes being on the Veronica Mars soundtrack!
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
And I've only had sandwiches on rye served on red hunting caps ever since.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Does the north american made in china large-sized dildo count?
HAH!
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Is the pope bonkers about latin!
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
Yeah, but don't tell anyone.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Anytime I get to shit in the woods without stigma attached is a good time.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
Does Urkel like cheese? ha! Do Fraggles live underground? ha! Are you a stupid whore? HAH!!!!
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
If a man's best friend likes the smell of crotch, of corse dogs are. So what do ladies get as a best friend? Fucking ferets? Misogyny in the animal kingdom. The world is so fucked up.
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
MY MOMMY AND DADDY STILL LOVE EACHOTHER, THEY TOLD ME!! DON'T SHIT ON MY PARADE, ASSHOLE!!
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
No, but I can shroud my children in mystery for almost a decade.
63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
I make a lot of "bad judgement calls due too excessive alcohol consumption and projecting my feelings onto people who don't really deserve to deal with my shit"
I really need to bury my cell phone after 1 am.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
It's gay outside. huck huck huck. God, that's hillarious. Seriously, it's raining cock rings. Did someone catch that part of Al Gore's movie? What stage of Global Warming is this?
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Foreskin Cheese!
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
On my nose when I huff it? I'm a modern gal, I need my products to prove their worth, and Wet and Wild gets my two thumbs for being so huffing friendly!
67. Have you ever taunted an Arab woman?
I feel in order to prove my love to the united states of god blessed america I must destroy the moral of at least a handful of arab-americans. I wipe with the torah, eat bacon, and try to get women to vote at least 340 times in the lunar year.
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
"Dad, the cable's out again, can you fix it" I want to club that white cracker baby in that commercial in the face like a baby seal.
69. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SEX POSITION?
Woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
The smoking band1
good night folks!! damn, I know how to go out on a high note!!!
posted by TheLadyDude @ 5:16 AM
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