To all ya'all who are trying to make your kids steal Maddox's flavor, it's not gonna work. In this week's Star magazine there's a feature on some dude from All My Children (and aparently a Harlem gentrify-er) with some wannabe baby Maddox kid. Givin' your kracker ass baby a mohawk and screen-printed psuedo disigner jeans does not make you look good. Please stop imposing your metro-sexual tanning bed ways on your 4-6 year old children. And for the love of god, don't try to make your kid go punk in a cheap J.C. Penny baseball tee with flames on it. You should be extra ashamed of yourself, at least when you see a baby in a Misfits onesie you can laugh about it, like, hah that baby is hardcore. But the flames? That says, "that baby's parents are dicks who think they are bad ass and has a grim future".
Babies aren't supposed to be cool. They're supposed to learn how to not shit themselves and how to eat solid foods. They do not care about looking bomb in lacoste hats too big for their tiny baby heads (Sean Preston, I'm talking to you).
Man, I'm glad my parents didn't make me look like a total douche.
Is there a Hallmark card for that?
Shoebox greetings, get on it!
How about this?

"Here's a symbol of my graditude for you not dressing your babies like douches. I may be a mere cat, but this makes my life infinately more rewarding."

Why, what's that jingle jangle sound?
Why, that's the clang of feminism in my pocket!

In an effort to fight the patriarchy, I'm resolving from now on to trade in all my George Washington one dollar bills for Susan B.'s and Sacagawea's. Who's with me ladies? Did you know that we here in America are the last country to have the dollar in bills? And why is that? Because there's no dollar coin with a MAN on it. Think about it!!!! Consider those Cathy comic-esque exclaimation points, I'm just that frazzled over the situation!!!!!! First women have nothing to wear to work despite a closet full of clothes, then they have to lug a bunch of white men around with them all day!!!!!!! Forget the fluffy light weight of the dollar, the fun of folding it in half and tilting it for a game of "sad Washinton happy Washington". Make like the post office stamp vending machines and switch to our convenient founding mothers of this country! That fold-y bill game is more fun with Lincoln! "Before abolition/after abolition"!!!! Now that's something to frown/smile about!!

Another great thing about lady money is that Susan B's are octagon-y so blind people don't have to worry about giving someone a twenty as a tip on accident at Starbucks! This could make our nation a better place. We all know those fuckers are Starbucks are over-tipped! Don't get me started on those money grubbers at Tully's. The minute you open your purse to pay for that non fat carmel latte they know the whole contents of your billfold!!! And that oh my tip jar is so empty routine? Yeah, it's empty cause they dug out all the fives and fifties and left the sad green pennies and quarters flatened at the railroad tracks!!!! I'm on to those mischevious coffee slinging scamps!!

Come one sisters of the monetary revolution!! Swap your Georges with me!!! I'll meet you in line with all the grannies at Bank of America. Except I'm not using mine to give bratty grandbabies underappreciated cash gifts, I'm using them to fight the man!!!!

Cunt power!!!
IN COIN FORM!!!!